When The World Ends

From me to E.

Surrounded by so many people, there are times I wish
To hear my own footfalls, landing on the soft white powder, thud thud thud
To put my right foot forward as my left foot plays catch-up, unthinking
But not unfeeling like the cold pinching my nose, cutting my breathe short
Short short squirts of air, made visible by the cold
Fast fast footfalls, made audible by the cliffs surrounding the expanse of this frozen lake, echoing
A white white foundation, talcum powder soothing the skin, refreshing
And also numbingly cold after a long run from beyond the woods
To which I cannot help but think, “There’s no one to put on a fur coat for me.”
As I fall to the ground, a pile of snow and slush, the heat of my body melting the snow and I, feeling the cold more keenly than ever
That’s all I could remember (and it makes me wonder)

When the world ends, will only selfish thoughts come into my mind?

I am cognizant of the fact that words don’t make Ferraris appear
Sometimes I wish to be these people
Run into the embrace of society and stand tall, well-accepted, well-heeled, well-branded on the podium
(Across the corner of my eye I see an iron poke standing in the fire, waiting to brand another)
To do things many people do as well
But I like to think I am different from others (or am I falling into a pattern here) so I write
And I put myself higher than the others, the commoners, thinking I am more than them yet in truth I am nothing
It is unclear whether I am running into my own death instinct (Freud does not help here and neither does Lacan)
My dictionary on psychoanalysis stands unused, ecrits gathering dust

So I run still I run
(I am afraid to be still)
To be my own painter and lay a weave of colour, as many weaves as possible
Over the landscape I deem colourless
But even after I have coloured the landscape
Would my footsteps still sound alone, left foot always playing catch-up with the right
Or would there be another pair
Following behind me

When the world ends
Will you leave me a message
Saying I have loved you after all
Put a warm fur coat around me, the last there is in the world
And snuggle with me until there are no more visible squirts of breathe from my lips
No audible sounds of footfalls from my feet


2 thoughts on “When The World Ends

  1. When the world ends,
    You will feel the warmth from my hands on your face
    Cracked, wrinkled lips part to mouth the words
    Saying I have loved you after all

    Silence invades but
    Our past igniting forever

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