A day after the end of my exams. After three months of revving up my academic engine and three months of inflicting damage on myself. After three months of supposedly what we call torture. And now I feel lost. Without a sense of purpose, another rudderless boat on the yawning ocean.
Why? Am I craving for the pain and suffering it caused? It was a hectic semester throughout; with the suicidal attempt of taking 5 major (read literature) modules which entails no less than 17 novels and countless readings of critical discourse. This was only mediated by the fact that I took a film module which has no novels.
And throughout the semester, I have discovered one important fact: that I suck at period modules but I do well in theory modules. Relatively well. So I will be armed with this fact in mind when I go on to choose the modules that I need to take next semester.
But well, taking 5 literature modules was crazy. I had countless deadlines that were stacked right next to one another. I still remember there was this week that I need to submit 3 essays and in the middle of it, I still have an exam to prepare for. Hmm, nostalgia seems to be the mood of the day for me.
One has to look forward however. Do an “after-action review” and move on. What did I do wrong? Perhaps my resolve was not strong enough. Sadly it crumbled in some of my modules and this will probably lead to me obtaining moderate results when I get it back on the 26th. You know, I’m not like some of you out there. Those who are born “geniuses.” These people do not need to study at all and they can easily get an A or an A+. It’s different for me. I have to put so much effort in getting what I want that sometimes I just get tired of it all. Sometimes the resolve just cracks.
“Eh you know, I never study for the exam today.”
But in the back of my mind, I know for sure that these people will still do well even if they set out with the intention of failing. Unless of course they idiotically submit a blank page. I still cannot blame them though. It is not as if they want to be like that, right? They can’t help having talents just like how Bush can’t help being an idiot. American politics. Tsk. I still cannot help but to laugh at him. Really if he doesn’t exist all the comedians like Colbert and Stewart will be out of a job.
But back to the point of being rudderless. Since I don’t feel like going back to bartending at Cafe Iguana (of course I’m not adverse to going there as a customer hah!), perhaps I shall write something on the books that I’m attempting to read right now. So there you go. A new feature of my weblog: book reviews! You can see the one I’m reading right now under the Pages section, right below About the Author. It’s a bit messy now but I shall figure out how to arrange the section as I go along with more posts. One needs to see if this is a one-off thing.
Oh yeah before I sign off, if you know of/have any job openings with regards to writing for any entity, please let me know and I will send you my resume and the articles I have written for a particular online portal.
Take care my friends.