Dear Sirs and Missus,
It has come to my attention that several of you have pointed out the distinct absence my Master for this past week and had wondered whether has he suffered any harm. I have leave to let Sirs and Missus know that my Master is still well and in the pink of health. He is currently engaged in some nefarious pursuits that even I do not know of. So please, I beg your pardon, do not direct any questions at me. I can see the eyes burning into my soul, questioning me of my integrity. But please, at this point of time, I am unable to explain it any further. My Master has said that from time to time, he would perhaps, drop by. Whence and where, I cannot tell. ‘Tis beyond my abilities. You know that kind sirs. Perhaps, when he returns from his pursuits, worldy or otherwise, he would be able to explain it most clear. Until then, please do wait with patience.